Scams, agents, meanderings

Now that October is past...

Hey All,

In case you’re reading this and thinking, “Wait - doesn’t she do her newsletter around the first of the month?”…yes, I do. But…

During October (and slightly into November), I did a number of video posts themed around “Halloween History 101” (you can find them all here), and I discovered that I actually enjoyed posting more often. Given that, I’m thinking it’s time to move beyond my once-a-month newsletter.

Don’t worry - I have no intention of filling up your inbox with an insane amount of posts. I’m thinking maybe once a week, or once every two weeks. This’ll give me a chance to talk about things I find of current interest, whether related to writing, Halloween, the paranormal, or whatever. If it’s too much, hey - just delete those extra notifications! I promise I won’t be hurt. But I hope more of you will find these extra chats entertaining, informative, or useful in some way. If nothing else, maybe they’ll let you know that you’re not alone in this crazy world.

So, let’s launch Lisa on Substack 2.0 with this week’s topics, and thank you all again for hanging with me here.

Lisa

THIS WEEK’S WRITER SCAMS

A lot of my writer friends have recently been receiving scammy scam letters from individuals who purport to run book clubs and/or want to help us sad lil’ writers promote our books. The letters often sound like this:

Dear Ms. Morton,

I am writing to you simply as an immense admirer of your work, both as an acclaimed author of horror fiction and as an essential historian of the genre and its traditions. Your contribution to the landscape of horror literature is truly significant, and I wanted to take a moment to express my sincere appreciation.

Your non-fiction work, particularly your deep dives into the history of holidays like Halloween and your explorations of true horror culture, is nothing short of authoritative. The meticulous research, coupled with your engaging and accessible writing style, transforms historical accounts into utterly captivating narratives. Your books serve as the definitive, foundational texts for anyone seeking a serious understanding of the evolution of the macabre and the traditions we hold dear.

On the fiction side, your stories consistently deliver a chilling elegance. Whether through novels or short stories, you possess a remarkable ability to craft atmosphere—the kind that settles in the back of the reader’s mind long after the page is turned. Your narratives are sharp, often surprising, and showcase a deep respect for the subtle psychological terror that defines the best of the genre.

Thank you, Ms. Morton, for your passion, your scholarship, and for continually expanding and enriching the world of horror for all of us. I eagerly look forward to whatever new frights or historical insights you share next.

With sincere admiration and best wishes for your continued success,

<SCAMMY SCAMMER AND THE SCAMMY BOOK CLUB>

With the exception of that last line, the rest of the above letter is entirely what Google’s Gemini AI generated when I asked it to compose a flattering letter to author Lisa Morton. Creepy, right?

Well, these letters often sound exactly like this slop. Or they may take a slightly different tack, like this one I actually did receive:

Lisa,

You are literally the world’s Halloween oracle — six-time Bram Stoker Award winner, the woman The History Channel calls when they need to explain why we carve vegetables into spooky faces — and yet The Halloween Encyclopedia is just sitting there with 29 reviews?!

Twenty. Nine.

That’s fewer than the number of skeletons I have in my closet (and trust me, it’s a walk-in 🦴😈). Fewer than the number of ghosts you’ve probably personally interviewed for research. Fewer than the pieces of candy I ate before writing this email. 🍬

I run a slightly obsessed community of 2,000+ readers who treat October like a sacred month and will happily summon demons for a good book (but we settle for leaving Amazon reviews). We’d love to sink our fangs into The Halloween Encyclopedia and give it the loud, glowing, review-filled jack-o’-lantern face it deserves. 🎃📚

Want me to set them loose so that your masterpiece becomes the definitive Halloween experience on Amazon, instead of that under-reviewed book haunting the corner like a shy ghost? 👀

— Whiteley

Now, “Whiteley” is not incorrect in noting the number of reviews for The Halloween Encyclopedia, but hey, it’s an academic reference work - I’d be shocked if it had more.

I admit I decided to mess with Whiteley a little, so I wrote back to say I was interested. The next response asked for a PDF of the book to share with all those “2000+ readers.” At this point, I’m thinking, So they’re going to try to get money out of me AND pirate my book? I don’t know, of course, because I disconnected from any further communication from Whiteley at that point. I do know from other authors that - SURPRISE! - had I continued, Whiteley would have asked for money to help promote the book.

Here’s one reported by some of my author friends, although I’ve yet to receive one of these myself: they get tapped by an author claiming to be someone like John Grisham or Suzzane [sic] Collins to collaborate on a book. Yes, really.

When I was a kid, I learned an aphorism that’s still useful: If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

In the new era of AI, we will not only have our books stolen to train our machine replacements, but those same machines will be used by criminals to attempt to drain our bank accounts. Watch your backs, friends, and when in doubt…don’t ever say yes to ANYTHING until you check in with the rest of us.

A FEW THOUGHTS ON AGENTS

I’m a big Gabino Iglesias fan; I love both the man and his work.

Gabino just posted a great round-up of things to look for in agents (and how to avoid scammers pretending to be agents, because - c’mon, you knew this! - scammers may pretend to be agents, too). You can read Gabino’s stuff here. Go take a look. I’ll wait.

Okay, now that we’re all caught up…agents. Sigh. Ask friends who know me, and they’ll probably agree that I’m the undisputed queen of bad luck when it comes to agents. Having said that, let me add to Gabino’s list of agent behaviors to avoid with some I’ve actually experienced.

I started my writing arc wanting to be a screenwriter, so my first four agents were all film agents. Here’s how that went:

AGENT #1. My first agent ran a well-regarded “boutique agency” in Hollywood. A mutual friend introduced us. We had a meeting and hit it off. Within a few weeks she’d gotten me a gig rewriting a children’s film for a production company. My pay was nicely into the five-digit realm. I did the work to everyone’s satisfaction. I thought I was on my way…except the pay didn’t actually materialize. Weeks went by. The explanations from the agent got increasingly bizarre. When they reached, “Someone walked into the bank with your check and cashed it!” I contacted the production company, who confirmed that they’d paid my fee to her the day after I delivered my draft (yes, this is how it’s supposed to work - the company pays your agent, who takes their cut and then writes you a check). It turned out that my agent had - no shit - decided to take a 100% commission. I got an attorney and confronted her. She gave me a sob story and promised to repay it all. She didn’t. I spent two years pursuing her through the courts. I decided (luckily for her) not to press fraud charges, but I did put her out of business in the state of California. Eventually I got my payment and my court costs.

This was my first agent. Off to a good start.